In my high school years, I found that my peers and I felt crippled in making college and career decisions. “What is God’s will for my life,” was the question of the day, and yet, years later I’m realizing I had it all wrong. 

College has been an interesting journey of figuring out how I fit in God’s global plan. In highschool, I decided against studying pharmacy because I felt God’s pull to attend Bible College. I assumed I would be doing “full time ministry.” 

Studying at the undergrad level was an enriching experience; I believe God sent me to CIU not just to get a degree but to become a whole person. However, my senior year I was challenged to question the notion that ministry was to be done by full time “professional” ministers. What does Ephesians 4:11-12 say? The division between clergy and laity blurred and my theology was blown apart. 

By the grace of God, amidst life’s external craziness, God has allowed me to slowly put my theology back together. I’m in my final semester of seminary and I’m taking a foundational course called “The Mission of God.” However, God in his sovereignty has allowed me to take this course last. I have had to struggle through ideas, theology, and practice up to this point, but it is making the class all the richer. 

The basic premise of the course is that God has a mission. This simple statement has such profound and wonderful implications. You see, God’s mission is what sets the agenda for our lives. “What is God’s will for my life,” is the wrong question. The right question is, “What is God’s mission?” The former question is simply a guise to choose the right career. The latter is to align one’s life with God’s eternal purposes.

God’s mission is that “all the peoples of the earth will be blessed.” Because God is on mission, he chose Abraham’s kin to be light in the world, so that the world would worship and glorify Him. Because God is on mission, he put together Scripture to be an aid and advocate for mission. Mission doesn’t exist because of Scripture, Scripture exists because of God’s Mission. Because God is on mission, He formed the Church to take part in his Mission. Mission doesn’t exist because of the Church, but the Church exists because of God’s mission. 

I felt compelled to sit and write this out. If you are interested in this topic, check out Dr. Barnett’s book Discovering the Mission of God. It is still in the process of being published, but it should be available by next spring. Here is the amazon link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Discovering-Mission-God-Mike-Barnett/dp/080544890X

As a caveat, if you are not comfortable with some of these ideas, feel free to talk to me about it. I obviously don’t think this is heretical, but as Sara could tell you, I’m not always the clearest communicator.  

I just watched American Chai a couple of days ago (4 bucks off of Amazon!) and, as a movie, it was pretty bad. Anyways, here is a summary by “Scott.”

“Sureel is a first generation Indian American college graduating senior music major who’s controlling father still believes that he is pre-med. His desires in life conflict with both his family’s traditional values, and the usual Indian way of assimilating into America by becoming a doctor or engineer. As graduation approaches, he has an opportunity to be nationally recognized for his music which will simplify telling his father the truth. Value conflicts are explored as the rationale behind internal racism and dating objectives are also explored “

In this film, the main idea that I want to discuss is secrets in the Indian community. As mentioned above, Sureel attends college but pretends he is pre-med. Not only that but his father doesn’t know he plays music, dates girls, and generally is not “Indian.”

Sadly, what I’m realizing is that these films on Desi culture aren’t all that far from the truth. I personally know alot of Indian Americans who hide things from their parents (myself, at a time, being one of them).

Why is this? Why are Indian youth secret keepers? Probably at least three reasons:

1. They learn it from their parents

Yes, I believe Indian youth are deceptive because they learn it from their parents. In a shame culture, the driving force is to maintain one’s reputation. It is a culture of externals; what one does in the privacy of their home is ok as long as no one else finds out. The youth simply do to their parents what their parents do to their peers.

2. It is a way to live in between two worlds

As mentioned in the previous post, the second generation live between two worlds. Sadly, while in HS and college, their parents aren’t at the point where they can accept their children as different. So, the children find the need to be normal social human beings in an American context, and therefore keep secrets.

3. They are sinful

Finally, people are sinful. Scripture is clear that one shouldn’t lie and one should honor his or her parents. I know it is kind of a token answer, but many second generation youth are beyond selfish in their desires. Their parents come to America so their children can have a “secure future,” but their children don’t see that until they are themselves older.

For school, I am doing a project where I’m getting a chance to analyze some Desi-related media. I’m hoping to get insight from the directors on how they portray ethnicity and family relationships. I’ll start out with American Malu (franchise), move on to Bend it Like Beckham, American Chai, American Desi, and finish with the Namesake.

The American Malu (AM) franchise is an interesting case because it isn’t a big budget movie series but a collection of Indie (if even that!) webisodes highlighting the lives of Indian American youth. The primary emotion the director wishes to evoke is joy and laughter, and it uses culture tension as the vehicle to achieve this. The tension exists between two generations; the first being the adults from India, while the second being their Americanized children.

When creating these films, the director, Bijoy Thomas, was between the ages of 18-21. His perspective is biased towards the perspective of the second generation Indian. Therefore, his social commentary is limited and provides a naive emic perspective. While limited, this perpsective is valuable because it offers unfiltered, raw insights into the needs, feelings , and lives of the current Indian American community.

Each AM “Film” offers insight into current second generation struggles and builds off one another. While AM1 is a “seed” that contains the bare essentials and stereotypes of the family struggles, AM2 and 3 attempt to grow these bare essentials with deeper storylines. AM1 largely focuses on the parent-child struggle motif, while AM2 and AM3 develops that and introduces new issues such as ethnocentrism, dating, education, racism, language barriers, boundaries (what teens call “space”), shame culture/guilt culture, and parent/child roles

Among what is listed above, the “parent-child struggle” motif has allowed American Malu to thrive. People watching these films can relate to the struggle that Wilson, the son, goes through. For instance….

What Ethnicity am I?

While his father is opposed to it, Wilson clearly associates himself with urban african culture. From the clothes worn to the dialect of speech, Wilson and his friends are part of the black mainstream culture. His father cannot understand why his son is this way; why doesn’t his son want to be Malayalee?

Many times churched Malayalees go through a crisis of identifiying with the white or black mainstream culture because they cannot find an identity in who their parents are. At the very best, they will take the mainstream culture and, as Wilson did, adapt it with friends to create a new subculture.

Dating/Ethnocentrism?

How does Wilson’s dad feel about girls and dating? In the first film, Wilson is beat because he brings home a white girl (emphasis on the white). In the second film, he gets in trouble for dating a girl not because of her ethnicity (she is malayalee), but because of cultural dynamics. Wilson’s father is scared because of the female’s parents. A double standard is present here – male teens can do what they want without getting caught, while female teens cannot.

In reality, does dating occur in the teenage malayalaee community? Of course! Is it right? Is it ok for youth to go behind their parent’s backs? Is it ok for parent’s to shelter their children? I have my opinions—and I’ll leave it that way :-)

Education

Education is king in the Malayalee community (as depicted in AM). Wilson is constantly contrasted to his cousin Robert who excels in school. Not only that, but his father places enormous pressure for him to get into a pharmacy program at Rutgers (which, I may add, I applied for!)

Fortunately or unfortunately, this also clearly mimics real life. Parents raise their children in the USA with the hope that their children will get a great job and leave suffering behind with the older generation.

I think this film does a great job of capturing many of the struggles that Indian youth are currently going through in America. Before I finish, I want to point out one more thing that the film hints on – the Malayalee parents’ formula for life success. Between the ages of 6-23, the child has two expectations: be respectful to one’s elders and perform well in school. Next, after they graduate from college, they are expected to get a job that will support them. Finally, after these first two steps are complete, it is time for the child to get married.

This formula is tried and true and has worked many times before. Unfortunately, it was created for Kerala culture, not adapted for American use. When applied here, it leads to disgruntled children who can’t find a spouse because they spent their college years studying and not growing as a person, or their parents are scared because their children are deviating from the unspoken plan.

In my opinion, for the sake of family health,  it is this plan that needs to be addressed. Is the plan realistic to the American way? More importantly, is it realistic to the lifestyle Christ has given us?

I can’t capture the significance of what I am trying to explain — all I know is I feel like I have woken up after years of sleeping. So, I’ll keep it really short.

I know I am sinful, and I know others are sinful, but I forget that others dont see themselves as sinful.

If someone doesn’t understand they are wicked, that they are enemies with God engaged in a spiritual battle, why would they care?

Good news is only Good news to those who understand their pitiful situtation.

Jason,
Remember how I graciously formed you in your mother’s womb
how I shaped your family’s heart to know me
how I clothed and fed you every day
with spiritual blessings
Do not take for granted that I opened your eyes to sin

Do not forget my faithfulness

Remember how I kept your family together through the toughest years
how I gave your parents the strength to be patient with you
how in High School I put you in a group of fellow disciples
so that in your rebellion you found me

Do  not forget my faithfulness

Remember how I took you out of unhealthy relationships
How I broke you over and over again
Lest you forget, how I broke my own son
so that in his brokenness you would find healing

Do not forget my faithfulness

Remember how I gave you a woman after my own heart
How she taught you about my grace, about my glorious grace
Do you think that was out of your own strength?

Jason, remember how I grew you in four years at college
Like Moses I became your mouth
when you were too scared to speak
Like Gideon I became your feet
when you had no strength to move
Like Abraham I became your eyes
when you lacked the faith to see

Jason, remember my faithfulness

Never forget how I have heard your prayers
Like Daniel in the lion’s pit
Like Elijah in his silent night
Like Samson with his final breath

I am a faithful God.

I am the one who has tamed the Behemoth
and I am the one who has subdued the Leviathan
yet I am the one who speaks in whispers
I am the one who has wept

I will never leave you nor forsake you.
I have been faithful even when you, like Israel, have been unfaithful and faithless.

Jason, do not forget, and always remember
I am the LORD your God, and you are my son. I have made you a part of my people.

I remember traveling home to New Jersey during winter break my sophomore  year. I had not seen church friends for ages, so I decided to visit a couple of families. One memory in particular stands out – when I was at someone’s house and they called their children selfish. Actually, they said most Indian children born in America only thought of themselves and not of their family. The words came  off their lips as though a disease was spreading. With great disdain their children were becoming “Americanized.”

What does it mean to become “Americanized?” For my graduate work, I have an opportunity to do ethnographic surveys with a certain ethnic group. To no one’s surprise, I decided to study Diaspora Indians living in the USA.  I have only had a chance to interview three people, but the results have shocked me. When asked, “what is the difference between an American family and an Indian family,” the results have been the same. Remember, this is their perception, not objective reality.

Interviewee A:

1. American Parents have no authority over their children.
2. American Children do not respect their elders
3. Indian parents sacrifice financially and emotionally to send their children to school (implying American families do not)
4. Americans goals are short term – immediate gratification.
5. To an American, the pursuit of happiness is an individual pursuit. To an Indian, the pursuit of happiness is bringing their family happiness.

Interviewee B:

1. Americans  are like machines
2. Americans have too much structure in their lives
3. In India, people are more flexible.. or hospitable. If you go over their house, they will offer you a cup of tea. Here in America, people are too busy.
4. Indians have a bond that Americans do not
5. Americans care about individual success – they don’t think about others
6. “Americanized –” Children in America develop too fast. They are exposed to too much. My daughter asks questions that I asked as an adult

Interviewee C:

1. Americans and Indians have different religions, so they have different ways of life.
2. Americans have too much sex, this makes divorce.
3. Americans cannot fulfill duties because they have single families. Mothers will not work two jobs to support her family, but will marry someone bad so she can have an easier life, but this is bad for the children. The Father pays little alimony, how can anyone survive?

I will post more as I do more interviews, but so far the results are interesting. Indians find American in general selfish because the way they raise their children is different. Americans raise teenagers to eventually be free; Indians raise teenagers to support the family. Americans raise teenagers to make their own decisions; Indians raise teenagers to be obedient. Americans raise their children to appreciate freedom; Indians raise their children to appreciate security. Americans are individualists; Indians are community oriented.

No wonder there is such an issue with Second-Generation Indians in America.

They are caught between two worlds.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7871304.stm

“Umma thannillakkill nyan marrikkum.” Six years ago, a caucasian camp counselor was taught those words by impish Indian American students. The little terrors taught him how to pronounce each syllable; where to place his tongue and how to form his lips. As the students led the naive counselor to a female indian, they beckoned him to share his new found linquistic ability. Proudly, the white male voiced his malayalam, the language of the students. Of course, he said the phrase not having a clue that it meant “kiss me or I’ll die!”

In retrospect, perhaps that event was prophetic of the “physical touch” transition occuring in India. Or, as the above article says (in a different context and different meaning) the ‘Westoxication’ of India.

 India’s cultural doors have been closed regarding public kissing and public physical affection. I have no recollection of my parents sharing intimite moments. Actually, the first time I saw my parents kissed was when I dared my mother to do it… two years ago (I am 22 years old)!

However, the Indian culture is quickly changing having been influenced by the West. In a culture of arranged marriage, more and more individuals are secretly dating behind their parents’ backs (a phenomena mimicked by their Indian American counterparts). In Bollywood, the kiss has become an epic event marked by lightning and thunder; a moment when the gods unite with humanity.

Anthropologically speaking, the East and West are not only different but completely and utterly apposed. Americans value married couples showing physical intimacy, while the Indian is shamed to even hold hands in public. Not only does this tension exist in physical affection, but ideas of individuality, community, status, and roles.

In my opinion, it is quite unfortunate that this mentality is creeping into the Indian urban culture. The ‘Westoxication’ of India is not an inherent evil, yet it is an evil because it will undoubtedly divide the historic strong family units of the East.

Kiss me or I’ll die… Does anyone besides me see the irony? If Indians do decide to kiss, maybe they personally won’t die. But they end up killing their family’s reputation.

Also, as a disclaimer, my thoughts here are relevant to AFTER individuals are married. Kissing BEFORE marriage is another topic.